The Anti-Patent Manifesto

I bet you did not know that: Michael Jackson patented the “anti-gravity illusion shoes” that you can see in the “Smooth Criminal” video.

So, the question of the day is: Why on earth one of the most successful artists ever would patent a video gimmick? For the money? Please. For fame? Yes, sure. For what then?

Although we will never know for sure, the most probable answer would be: for the fun of it! It must be “for fun”, the indications are abundant, since the late superstar is not the only celebrity who is a patent owner. Marlon Brando has patented the “Bongo drum tuner”, Francis Ford Coppola nailed the “Back Scratching t-shirt” (…), the Prince filed the “Portable electronic keyboard” – and the list goes on.

Wait, it gets weirder.

Check out these real-life filed and accepted patents:

The “Coffee drink comprising pre-extracted nicotine; coffee bean coated with nicotine; beverages containing nicotine and water soluble filler” which is a nicotine-infused coffee that can give you … multiple addictions, the “Business card made from edible material” (…) the “Kissing shield game and method of use thereof” (…). And, of course, there is the epic “Burial structure for the interment of human remains and significant memorabilia” which is – you guessed it – the (Egyptian) pyramids patented in 2004!

No wonder that, according to the US Patent and Trademark Office, only 3,000 ideas out of every 1,500,000 are commercially viable – thats 0.2%! And this statistic comes out from the same guys that spent government resources to … accept the pyramids patent!

So, the (second) question of the day is “should we do something about this craziness?”

Well, if people can patent edible business cards and get away with it, why won’t we do sth equally useful such as … publish the “anti-patent manifesto”?

And, please, after all this info we have already shared, don’t even bother asking why.

So here it is:


We are the anti-patent manifesto.

Our only reason for existence is to save people from wasting their time in order to be baptized as “inventors”.

We are spreading the word that an “invention” is a construct of the mind of the misguided ones, the ones that have taken the evil way of vanity.

We are making sure that ordinary people get it that they are just … ordinary people. Extraordinary people are reported to the proper authorities such as Google patents of Google INC.

We are the disciples of the “patent awareness initiative” that spots people prone to get trapped in the “patent” world of deceit. Here are the five points of the initiative:


An anti-patent “wannabe” is the person that wants to file a patent in order to make a business or money out of it. You can spot such people in entrepreneur gatherings and the like


An anti-patent “hopeful” is someone who has spent more than twenty minutes on the Google patents service


An anti-patent “near-miss” is someone that keeps recognising their own ideas in other peoples’ patents


An anti-patent “advocate” is someone that has spent more than ten thousand US dollars on patent related services but has not filed any patent yet


An anti-patent “ambassador” is the dude that owns a patent that never led to any value whatsoever – monetary or otherwise

We are the anti-patent manifesto.

We will find you.

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